Every language has its very own set of profanities, ranging from mild swear words to slangs to extremities that is given an almost taboo status in spoken and written language. Our Divehi language is not so different; it too has a lot of swear words with varying effects and degrees of insult. We consciously know when and where such words are applicable, depending on its severity, so we duly restrict their utterance to conversations where the participants are likely not to object or get offended.

However, I have noticed that the same principles governing usage of swear words does not apply to most Maldivians when using the English language. I remember a while ago when my kid brother used “shit” in a sentence. After I threatended to ‘wash his mouth with soap’, he inquired why using the word was such a big deal, when even his teachers were unabashedly flaunting them. Thats when I realized that we have lost the ability to exclude English swear words from polite conversation and writing. We have the elements of Hollywood (which we are constantly exposed to) to thank for this. Films frequently depict people swearing openly without any restraint (in a vague attempt to visualize reality) but rarely do they show the repurcussions of such language. I do however, remember a few times when children (especially little children) were scolded for using the S-word. I guess most people missed such movies or didn’t really bother to either look up their meanings or usage. Commonly used swear words such as “ass, bullshit, crap, fart, goddamn, hell,  piss, and shit” are considered to be slangs, coarse language or even vulgar terms. These words are NOT acceptable in both formal and polite talk and/or writing. To prove how people in the Maldives neglect the etiquette of written speech (on the Internet), I am providing the following case studies, one from a reputable local newspaper and the other from a government weblog:

1. Article from the online Haveeru English news service is titled “Falling woman saved by pile of [sic] shit“ (Compare to the original news article found on Reuters.com)
   
2. On the government sponsored blog “[-]phen” you’ll encounter various occurences of “shit” and other commonly used swear words despite comments being moderated for language, as the site authors firmly proclaim before people are allowed to comment (Count them yourself)

If some of us think that such restrictions apply only to native speakers of the language, we might as well as abandon our inhibitions to use “asshole, bastard, bitch, cunt, dick, fuck” or any other profanity for that matter.

“Hey mom, you fucking retard! What the hell do you call this shit you cooked after slaving over a hot oven for two hours? You goddamn bitch, go cook me some other crap, this time make it at least digestable!!!” - Maldivian kid, 2015

My friend Chaakube tends to burst several arteries every time the local propaganda machine (also known as TVM) airs one of its government sponsored ads or dramas promoting gender equality, a spectacle I usually find hilarious because of the extensive (and esoteric) profanity involved. Last night after a series of lengthy discussions on various socio-politico-religious subjects, we started a conversation on the very matter and I found out that Chaaku’s apparently misogynistic views actually support the true ideals we are trying to attain (albeit in vain).

“I am not against gender equalities; I am just against the false notion of equality our government is ignorantly promoting amongst us. Depictions of so-called happy families are shown where the male actively participates in household chores not because he wants to, but rather because he feels obligated to do every thing his wife engages herself in. I have a wife and if she is sick or tired or even bored of her household duties I really don’t mind taking care of them once in a while. I do that because I want to do it, not because I feel that I must do it. By saying this, I am not belittling women or their role in families and societies. Think about it. Men going to work and women taking care of the household duties (including attending children) is not a religious or some other arrangement which we men subjected them to, it’s a traditional identity of our society, wrong as it may be in a contemporary light. If we lived in a society where it is the norm for either of the spouse to take on the responsibilities of supporting a family, I seriously wouldn’t mind staying back and taking care of the kids and the house. But since our society isn’t one like this, why should women complain if they are asked to take care of the house and children, which by the way are matters entirely up to their discretion? (They are not forced into a family and they are more than aware of their prospective responsibilities). Sure, if we can make enough money to support our lives without us actually being there (as in hire help) I don’t suppose anyone would ask a woman to do these things. Neither would she be expected to.

As for women’s social status, I am baffled by their demand for what appears to be a concept of equality limited to their personal sense of appeal. Give them executive chairs in government and corporations but not physical labor in construction industries and municipal governments. I know women in foreign countries have no qualms about performing in such onerous jobs but this visibly does not apply to our local context. Why are women so hesitant to go to the local fish market to pick up a  good yellowfin for lunch or the local dump to throw away the remains of that same fish? Oh yeah, the same traditions and social norms preventing men from doing household chores!”

After listening intently to Chaaku’s rationalizations of his contempt, I realized that this call for equality is only skin deep. Even on a global scale. Imagine the following scenario; a coast guard vessel responding to a distress call finds 40 people floating helplessly near a submerged vessel in the middle of the ocean in the dead of the night. Thirty of them are men while the remaining 10 are women. The rescue vessel only has a capacity to carry 10 persons at any one time. Guess the male-female ratio of first group to be rescued? Bet its 0:10. I am sure that no women in her proper mind would challenge this particular status quo, but when you frame the the bigger picture and its implications in your mind, is this truly what we aspire for? A drastic shift from male-centrism, which creates enough social problems as it is, to female-centrism. We humans, thanks to our volatile nature, are already engaged in enough racially, ethnically and politically provoked wars and conflicts, lets not drag sex into this too. Lets focus on finding a real solution to this ancient problem.

On a more personal note, we were at the table having dinner when I tentatively brought up the subject of mom’s never-ending complaints of dad’s unwillingness to help her out with the occasional bathroom cleaning. I pointed out that mom didn’t even offer any help when just two days ago our house’s sewage junction got blocked and we had our toilets overflowing. Dad had taken care of the whole err…  shitty affair without even considering any help from her. For the rest of dinner, mom remained sheepishly silent while dad wore this triumphant grin on his face for some reason.