Contemporary Maldivian politics - one of the many things I loathe in life. Maldivians are not so bright since most of us can’t distinguish the difference between genuine commitment to legislative (and executive) reform from propaganda, blame-games and power struggles. As a result, we believe anything as long as it is either in favor of our supported politicians or opposing the rest of the lot.

A recent example of this would be the unfortunate demise of Hussen Salaah. The opposition party somehow perceived it as yet another chance to vilify the government instead of marking a tragedy and was subsequently hell bent on proving that the police had something to do with his death. (It was also a chance for Anni to stage his infamous photo-ops. The guy should have an art exhibition “ahhh… here is another picture of me, being dragged off by the police as they mistook me for a rabid dog. The brutality huh?).

The opposition had a field day when Philip Green visited the Maldives for his raunchy birthday bash. They wasted no time blowing the whole thing out of proportion, capitalizing on the mullah-mentality of our people to condemn the government for “allowing such idolatry and blasphemy on Muslim soil”. To no one’s surprise they conveniently decided to leave some facts out of their allegations:

1) Mainstream Buddhism is not a theistic religion so they don’t have a god to worship. Its a philosophy and way of life. Statues of Buddha is just a sign of reverence (which that imbecile Green decided to defile)
2) It is not the first time somebody danced topless in the Maldives. Besides, we need the dollars brought in from these “heathen nudists” (otherwise we wouldn’t be able to afford hijabs, cigarettes, marijuana, camel feed and alcohol-free beer!)

Last night our resident Anti-golhaa (aka my dad) brought an opposition mass media CD which condemned Gayyoom for orchestrating the procrastination prostration of school children. After a 10 minutes of ranting from an Adhaalath or IDP representative, we finally saw the footage. It was from the official inauguration ceremony of Imaadhudheen school some years ago and the controversial scene was in fact the finishing sequence of a dance item presented by the school children in his presidency’s honor. Here again, the narrating sanctimonious beard-o ignored a simple fact; just because somebody bows down to someone, it doesn’t make it an act of worship. I’d genuflect or even procrastinate prostate to our fearless leader, especially if he has someone from his security dispatch holding a loaded .5 mm to my temple, but I seriously doubt I’d be thinking “Oh fearless leader, thou art my lord and savior, I worship thee and thee alone, I seek only thine blessing yada yada“? Then the Mullah guy, taking the slight possibility that Gayoom did not order the children to bow down to his presidential excellence, rationalized his contempt by saying that Gayyoom did nothing to deter this deplorable act of sacrilege. I wonder how presidential (or even civil) the sight of a raging and cursing Gayyoom would’ve been. After all they were just children. Besides, those were the good old pre-Evan Naseem days, which Gayyoom still feels tearfully nostalgic about. I guess our present day self-proclaimed Mullahs were too busy fornicating to notice this satanic symbolism back then. (In hindsight, I have nothing but praise for the moro… I mean genius who was responsible for the choreography of that dance. Kudos and encore!)

After saying all this, some people might accuse me of a being a “Golhaa-hugger” (dibs on the copyright DRP) but I am not defending him. I just hate the fact that Maldivians behave like brainwashed zombies whenever they hear any accusations relating to a contemptuous public figure. If somebody whispers “Psst…Hey I heard Golhaa has a harem full of nubile Arab slaves which he solely uses to relieve the tormenting pressure caused by MDP” its likely that people will start frothing at the mouth and head out brandishing pitchforks chanting “death to Golhaa… whats wrong with our girls?!?“. (Only to be disbursed by baton-wielding cops in fancy lingerie seconds later). We have a right to dislike and even oust those public servants (yes, our president is one too, though this one lives in a palace) who are not committed to our betterment. Lets just do it rationally and civilly, after contemplating the validity and logic behind what could very well be hearsay or downright lies.