On a short walk home with a friend of mine, I asked, jokingly, if he would still consider me his friend if I were to confess my latent homosexuality to him. After a short pause to contemplate what I had just asked him, he sternly replied that he would not. Upon my insistence he could not justify why he would abandon our friendship, and only gave me lame reasons such as “you might start hitting off on me”. I sardonically challenged him by asking him to explain how he had female friends with such a dimwitted rationale.

I asked another friend what he would do if he woke up one fine morning to find himself attracted to members of the same sex. His quick reply was to commit suicide, God forbid, such a day ever comes. While I doubt if he could summon up enough courage to kill himself over such a (trifle?) matter, I keep wondering how many Maldivians of my generation (born after the mid 80s) would share my friends’ (narrow-minded and poorly thought) perspective on homosexuality and human sexual psyche in general. (Note that in the United States, research shows that a vast majority of Generation X-ers not only remain tolerant of, but also understands and respects human diversity, brought about by race, religion and sexuality. Also note that in the same country exists people like Jerry Falwell, founder of Liberty University who notoriously said “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates them”. I can imagine Maldivian fundamentalists giving this contemptible ignoramus a standing ovation).

Though I consider myself to be tolerant (to the extent where I am not sexually involved) of gays, I do not claim to understand homosexuality, not by a long shot. I cannot explain it, neither from a sexual point of view (how could men be attracted to men and women be attracted to women? They don’t even seem anatomically compatible!!) nor from a biological view (what’s the purpose of a relationship that does not allow for procreation?). But what I do understand (without a shell of a doubt) is that they did NOT choose to be the way they are, no more than a crocodile chooses to eat the buffalo (a spectacle someone related to me, absent-mindedly, described as ‘evil’ once) or I choose to be attracted to females for that matter.

When I pointed out to a friend that gays do not choose to be gay, being the redeemer of religion he is, he was quick to point out that they were being tested by God and their hardship was to conceal their ‘sinful tendencies’ (and lead a life of self-deceit). He equated this to the heterosexual temptation of lust saying we (meaning straight folk) were being similarly tested. To me this is like comparing the crossing of a vast canyon on a suspension bridge to crossing the same canyon on a suspended needle. Religion teaches us that this is apparently the will of God, the immaculately just!

For those of you, who are disbelievers of this fact, know that science has even shown genetic predisposition of homosexuality^[1][2][3][4] along with hormonal influences during the prenatal stages of life which plays a significant role in determining sexuality. It also exists in nature^[1][2] as testified by the (documented) queer behaviour of bonobo apes, dolphins, birds, spotted hyenas, sheep and even fruit flies. (So much for the claim that it is unnatural). Besides, only someone very delusional would think a person would ‘choose’ to break the biggest taboo that unfortunately exists (especially in simple communities such as the close-knit one that we live in) by professing love for individuals of the same sex. Think about the adversity that they have to face, the disappointment of kin, the hardship of being looked down upon and vilified by both religion and society for as long as attitudes remain this intolerant. To me, the overwhelming prospect of coming out of the closet (metaphorically speaking) inclines me to advice those who are in fact gay to remain hidden in their closet sanctuary. But time after time, they do come out, and face the world and assert their right to exist. I have nothing but admiration for such individuals. I also have nothing but contempt for those individuals who oppose them.

Let’s just hope that we all eventually realize that what two consenting and responsible adults do in the sanctity  and privacy of their domains is not (and should not be) a concern of neither society nor religion. We are all different from one another, in ways and regards that are too numerous to list. Therefore, we can only hope to coexist peacefully with tolerance and respect of our differences.

Normally, I don’t write about my travels but this trip I took to Trivandrum just 2 weeks ago (I came back on the 18th) warrants a mention here.  I went to New Delhi (and Rajasthan) the same time around last year and I was glad to come back home. What affected me there was the pollution and traffic (in New Delhi) and the decrepit human conditions in the towns and villages around and in Rajasthan. At one point of my journey on a 15-hour train trip, I caught myself thinking ”if there is a justifiable reason as any, we humans deserve to go extinct for the shit that we [as humans] haved pulled in this country alone”. That was new for me… every time before I had gone abroad, I felt a strange sense of melancholy at the prospect of leaving (newly made friends, numerous and various recreational facilities… you know, purpose to life)  despite the fact that I was more than eager to meet family and friends. New Delhi seemed inviting compared to what I call the “assualt on the senses” this strange and putrid city was to me. I say this because of the smell (which constantly disgusted me), the visuals (I can handle run down buildings but not people spitting phlegm everywhere as if they were camels) and lets not forget the sounds (I really hated this one sound of a high frequency sonic shriek coming from some vehicles). To be fair, I also note the brighter side of Trivandrum. Well, it had less traffic, if that is any consolation to the unfortunate commuters travelling on buses filled to the brim. Oh yes, and the cost of living is so cheap. I can understand why some people choose to trade the relatively serene (not to mention sanitary) life in Malé for this.  

So why did I go knowing well what I had to expect? Medical necessity… namely Grade C Esophagitis which cost me INR 1,000.00 and a very peculiar experience to diagnose. Gastroduodunoenteroscopy. There I was lying on my side with my mouth wide open and an inch think fiber-optic cable shoved deep down into the confines of my throat and stomach, gagging and ‘trying’ to vomit up nothing but bile. I emphasize the word ‘try’ to stress on this so-called ’minimally invasive procedure’ being the singularly most unpleasant experience in my memory. Within the matter of seconds, all the pretentious sophistication that I had attained throughout my two decades of existence melted away and was replaced with this daunting sense of infantile vulnerability and feebleness. Normally, I could’ve outbrawned the nurse who was holding my hand down without any effort but right then, I couldn’t even so much as lift a finger in protest, even though I desperately wanted to pull it out. The gastroenterologist tried to be comforting ”thats a good boy, just a few more seconds, be still” but I was in no position to understand her. All I wanted was for the accursed cable to come out but all I could do was wordless beg them to take to retreat, which I did a plenty, all the while, tears streamed down my face uncontrollaby for some weird reason. After which seemed like an eternity, they finally retracted the cable and I staggered out into the hallway full of people, with bile on my hospital gown and into the adjoining toilet where I cleaned myself and regained the rest of my waking consciousness. In hindsight, I am now annoyed at the doctor for assuring me that they’ll take care of my gag reflux with some sort of sedative. Obviously, it didn’t work. Hmm.

The doctors in this city are of a totally different breed from what you get here and elsewhere. They all walk around with an air of arrogance around them and act as if they were the literal God’s gift to mankind. One insolent urologist I met, actually asked me if he had to “explain the anatomical functions of the human body” when I questioned him on how he came to his medical conclusion. I had to remind him that this was in fact his job and not everybody is a physician. Subsequently, he explained to me, although I noticed a bit of hesitation over my defiance. Afterwards, I called him an “asshole” (to his face) and promptly left to speak with a hospital administrator who assures me that they’ll take disciplinary action, which remains to be seen. I can only hope this observation isn’t applicable to the broad generalization of doctorial attitude and behaviour as I’ve always perceived healers to be caring individuals.

As an interesting self experiment (as in me being the guinea pig), I subjected myself to internet and television deprivation throughout the entirety of my stay. The results? Not much, only now I realize that I can in deed live without them for an extended period of time, a feat that I had previously thought impossible. As a bonus advantage I was able to catch up on my reading. English evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins’ latest book “The God Delusion” has successfully convinced me that all religion is err… “bullcrap” to put it effective contemporary slang, though I don’t share his belief (or lack of) God. Maybe I am just kidding myself, like he pointed out in the later chapters of his book, maybe we are all dillusional, but at least for me, personally, I take refuge in knowing that there is some guy up in heaven who’ll deal out justice, when there is absolutely none here. Athiests, I admire you for your brave disbelief.