A Gay Choice?
On a short walk home with a friend of mine, I asked, jokingly, if he would still consider me his friend if I were to confess my latent homosexuality to him. After a short pause to contemplate what I had just asked him, he sternly replied that he would not. Upon my insistence he could not justify why he would abandon our friendship, and only gave me lame reasons such as “you might start hitting off on me”. I sardonically challenged him by asking him to explain how he had female friends with such a dimwitted rationale.
I asked another friend what he would do if he woke up one fine morning to find himself attracted to members of the same sex. His quick reply was to commit suicide, God forbid, such a day ever comes. While I doubt if he could summon up enough courage to kill himself over such a (trifle?) matter, I keep wondering how many Maldivians of my generation (born after the mid 80s) would share my friends’ (narrow-minded and poorly thought) perspective on homosexuality and human sexual psyche in general. (Note that in the United States, research shows that a vast majority of Generation X-ers not only remain tolerant of, but also understands and respects human diversity, brought about by race, religion and sexuality. Also note that in the same country exists people like Jerry Falwell, founder of Liberty University who notoriously said “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates them”. I can imagine Maldivian fundamentalists giving this contemptible ignoramus a standing ovation).
Though I consider myself to be tolerant (to the extent where I am not sexually involved) of gays, I do not claim to understand homosexuality, not by a long shot. I cannot explain it, neither from a sexual point of view (how could men be attracted to men and women be attracted to women? They don’t even seem anatomically compatible!!) nor from a biological view (what’s the purpose of a relationship that does not allow for procreation?). But what I do understand (without a shell of a doubt) is that they did NOT choose to be the way they are, no more than a crocodile chooses to eat the buffalo (a spectacle someone related to me, absent-mindedly, described as ‘evil’ once) or I choose to be attracted to females for that matter.
When I pointed out to a friend that gays do not choose to be gay, being the redeemer of religion he is, he was quick to point out that they were being tested by God and their hardship was to conceal their ‘sinful tendencies’ (and lead a life of self-deceit). He equated this to the heterosexual temptation of lust saying we (meaning straight folk) were being similarly tested. To me this is like comparing the crossing of a vast canyon on a suspension bridge to crossing the same canyon on a suspended needle. Religion teaches us that this is apparently the will of God, the immaculately just!
For those of you, who are disbelievers of this fact, know that science has even shown genetic predisposition of homosexuality[1][2][3][4] along with hormonal influences during the prenatal stages of life which plays a significant role in determining sexuality. It also exists in nature[1][2] as testified by the (documented) queer behaviour of bonobo apes, dolphins, birds, spotted hyenas, sheep and even fruit flies. (So much for the claim that it is unnatural). Besides, only someone very delusional would think a person would ‘choose’ to break the biggest taboo that unfortunately exists (especially in simple communities such as the close-knit one that we live in) by professing love for individuals of the same sex. Think about the adversity that they have to face, the disappointment of kin, the hardship of being looked down upon and vilified by both religion and society for as long as attitudes remain this intolerant. To me, the overwhelming prospect of coming out of the closet (metaphorically speaking) inclines me to advice those who are in fact gay to remain hidden in their closet sanctuary. But time after time, they do come out, and face the world and assert their right to exist. I have nothing but admiration for such individuals. I also have nothing but contempt for those individuals who oppose them.
Let’s just hope that we all eventually realize that what two consenting and responsible adults do in the sanctity and privacy of their domains is not (and should not be) a concern of neither society nor religion. We are all different from one another, in ways and regards that are too numerous to list. Therefore, we can only hope to coexist peacefully with tolerance and respect of our differences.
Dr.Freex says...
(August 23, 2007 at 11:13 pm)
“Let’s just hope that we all eventually realize that what two consenting and responsible adults do in the sanctity and privacy of their domains is not (and should not be) a concern of neither society nor religion”
They say you are what you read.Indeed, you, are a product of what you have read from that side of the world that has controlled the flow of information for the duration of your existence(and more).
Give it time & you will be writing articles defending the rights of consenting adults, who are siblings or parents & their children, who engage in sex!..Consenting? Yes!, adult? Yes and “in the sanctity and privacy of their domains”? YES!!..then it ain’t societies concern or business..
Give it time, and if you live long enough & the world is still blowing in a westward direction, you will be writing so…& you will justify it with equal vigor & conviction!
There maybe some hope though..there is always hope…IF, we choose to think for ourselves, with our God given(or accidental/incidental)brain, instead of with our dicks/cunts..
My reply to the defenders of homosexuality..soon
fizan says...
(August 24, 2007 at 2:48 am)
Dr. Freex, I don’t deny that I am not influenced by what I read but one thing I am not is gullible. I won’t believe anything that is just printed and written by someone who sounds like he is an authorative figure. The preconditions to secure my personal belief are:
1) It should make logical sense, at a commonly comprehensive level
2) It should appeal to my sense of morality
Have you ever heard of that word, morality? It means the ability to make the distinction between right and wrong, on your own, without the aid of questionable scriptures, I might add. That is what governs my subscription to a particular notion or idea. What you tentatively pointed out is known as incest. Yes, two willing adults can do it in private but guess what? As a product of inbreeding, their offsprings could end up being horribly disfigured and from that point onwards, it becomes a social problem. So I am against it. How on earth do you made a connection between homosexuality and that is a mystery to me. Are you really that deluded by hatred and fear?
Pfft… if tomorrow the West starts advocating pedophilia or murder and you’d expect people like me to defend that too huh? Please, do me a favor and keep your harebrained opinions to yourself. If you got anything meaningful, please share, and oh, I must ask you to mind your language. I really don’t appreciate unnecessary obscenities on my blog.
fizan says...
(August 24, 2007 at 3:48 am)
Dr. Freex, I must apologize for my hotheaded and uncouth response above. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, no matter how absurd it sounds.
fra says...
(August 24, 2007 at 12:53 pm)
I support all homosexuals. They are human after all.
Ilyas says...
(August 24, 2007 at 2:05 pm)
I’m confident that all homosexuals will spend eternity in Hell for their perverse acts in this world.
Dr.freex says...
(August 24, 2007 at 4:18 pm)
Apology accepted..IMHO,your ‘response’ tells me that ‘ve driven home a point.
“As a product of inbreeding, their offsprings could end up being horribly disfigured and from that point onwards, it becomes a social problem”…Maybe you have not heard of the multitude of birth control measures available, that guarentee indulgence in any number of obscenities & sexual pleasures without fear of unwanted pregnancies or mutants!
“Have you ever heard of that word, morality? It means the ability to make the distinction between right and wrong, on your own, without the aid of questionable scriptures, I might add”….
My Point EXACTLY Mr.Fizan..
“Everyone is entitled to an opinion, no matter how absurd it sounds.”…once again i must agree with you.
It was not my intent to make this personal..i merely wish to present an argument from those of us who hold the guillible view that homosexuality is as much a human trait as say paedophlia and that both must be suppressed in a ‘moral’ society…
and i shall do that soon, with your permission.
ur collegue
Dr.Freex
fizan says...
(August 24, 2007 at 4:58 pm)
The safeguard against inbreeding aside, you are still discounting the morality here. Incest is just wrong, no matter what precautions you take.
You are seriously comparing homosexuality (a victimless ‘crime’) to pedophilia? This tells me a lot about you, my friend. Go ahead, you have my full permission to antagonize a whole group of people.
Dr.freex says...
(August 24, 2007 at 9:32 pm)
“Incest is just wrong”…i say homosexualty is just as wrong my frnd…ur discounting the morality here as well!…fr u to pretend that homosexualty has no negative social implcations is just ‘gullible’ is it not?
So i reiterate…”homosexuality is as much a human trait as say paedophlia and that both must be suppressed in a ‘moral’ society”
this cud go on fr a while..i plan to take this on a different platform,soon..for now i take my leave.
ur collegue,
dr.freex
Ilyas says...
(August 24, 2007 at 9:55 pm)
Homosexuals must be killed by the state following which they will burn in Hell for eternity. I don’t understand why this is so hard to accept.
Dr.Freex says...
(August 25, 2007 at 4:36 am)
There you go my friend-
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=11049895014&ref=mf
cheers
jaa says...
(August 25, 2007 at 12:18 pm)
Fizan, I echo your thoughts :)
Dr. Freex has a nice “note” there but sadly has comments disabled. Perhaps too intolerant of any replies?!
fizan says...
(August 25, 2007 at 1:54 pm)
Dude, I get an error message saying “You don’t have permission to see this note”
Thanks for the support Fra and Jaa. As for Ilyas, I am sure that you know what you are talking about. After all, God has already appointed you supreme infernal gatekeeper, right??
Abdulla Hameed says...
(August 25, 2007 at 2:28 pm)
Dear Fizan,
In law, there is nothing to make me say thank you, but the quality of your article compels me at least to write to tell you how I feel. Thank you so much for the article! I never expected anyone to write something like this in my life time.
Love Kisses and HUGS
Abdulla Hameed (your secret admirer)
fizan says...
(August 25, 2007 at 2:49 pm)
Wise guy… hehe, nice one though.
Dr.Freex says...
(August 25, 2007 at 4:29 pm)
Fizan you have to join facebook to see it
hehehe..intolerent huh…I dont hv the luxury of time to sit by a computer all day & keep replying! that is y comments were disabled!
And my Notes are not directed against those who feel they need No answers…
Your collegue
Dr.Freex
cheers
fizan says...
(August 25, 2007 at 4:36 pm)
I am on bloody Facebook! Just post the damn thing here, will ya.
jaa says...
(August 25, 2007 at 6:42 pm)
Dr.Freex: too bad :) Heh.
Simsim says...
(August 26, 2007 at 10:14 am)
Now, now fizan, mind your language… you don’t want unnecessary obscenities on your blog.
Let’s not forget that we are not spotted hyenas or fruit flies. If were are to take animals as our mentors, then shall we, in the cases of breeding twins, feed one to the other like some eagles do? Or shall we use sex as a currency for trade as some monkeys do? Will these too become acceptable if enough people start doing them? Will these too become a genetic predisposition if it is done long enough?
If it is delusional to think that someone will choose to break the biggest taboo without a genetic basis, then why is it limited to homosexuality? Why does it not apply equally to pedophilia and incest? And why does it not apply equally to other established crimed such as murder and rape?
Perhaps rapists cannot and should not be forced to suppress their primal urges, lest it becomes harmful to themselves? After all, it is not their fault either that they break such a big taboo. It is a result of a mixture of genetic factors coupled with social conditioning. Perhaps their parents should be punished instead for their inadequate upbringing. After all, I am not a rapist and some credit goes to my parents for that.
Of course you would argue that there are no victims in homosexuality. What about bi-sexuality? Is that acceptable? It is documented that HIV/AIDS is more rampant among homosexuals. So what of the bi-sexuals who spread the disease from men to women or vice versa? No fault of theirs?
fizan says...
(August 26, 2007 at 1:15 pm)
Hi, Simsim, first of all, I do watch my language. The use of words such as ‘damn’ and ‘bloody’ surely cannot be compared to the expletives used by Freex.
I wasn’t comparing us to spotted hyenas or fruit flies or any other animal for that matter. Nor did I appoint anything for a human mentor. All I did was to merely suggest that such behavior exists in the animal kingdom and should not be considered ‘unnatural’. How you made that connection is beyond me. Please, learn to read carefully. Cynicism doesn’t make you appear any more literate.
There is no genetic basis for pedophilia, murder, rape, incest, bestiality or necrophilia. Not that I am aware of anyway. Such perversions are caused almost always by social and psychological conditions. Once again, I am stumped on how you made a connection.
Rape is a social stigma too, I agree, unfortunately your argument’s coherence to the subject matter ends here (yet again). The prelude to the homosexuality I write in defense of is consensual. I could’ve sworn that much was obvious. Yes, your parents deserve a lot of credit for your upbringing. A gold medal (for production of a narrow-minded offspring) would suffice, no?
All pun aside, it is really unfortunate that gays and bisexuals are (solely? yeah, right) responsible for the proliferation of HIV/AIDS figures. Its the price we pay for our human indulgences.
Dr.freex says...
(August 26, 2007 at 7:43 pm)
Jaa: Too bad indeed
;
Ano-nimus says...
(August 26, 2007 at 8:18 pm)
YEEEAAAH!!!…Indulge away!!!
http://maldiviansexstories.blogspot.com/2007/08/mobile-gay-sex-machine.html
Soba says...
(October 22, 2007 at 3:30 am)
I never knew there were so many Maldivian bloggers until recently I came across these blogs while browsing the net. From thier entries one thing I noticed was these bloggers happen to be very good writers in a perspective of literature. However I also percieved that most of them blogger have a way of reproching Islam, and some of them even contend on rights for the gays and lesbians. This shows that we are having serious social problems that the current government is failing to coup with. Seriously I wish you bloggers would bias your topics to more academic or pro islamic discussions
fizan says...
(October 22, 2007 at 5:51 pm)
Soba, I don’t think I have been flattered and appalled at the same time ever before. While you praise us bloggers for being good writers, you claim increased tolerance and awareness with regard to civil liberties, human sexuality and morality is a “social problem” and that it should be somehow repressed by the government.
Perhaps you are upset because some of us willingly or unwillingly rebuke religion or its associated dogmas. I think the only reason religion is so reproachable is because it is flawed, unlike we have been taught to believe without question.
Lamenting the fact that some of us are retracting from the mainstream bullsh*t fed to us will not do you any good… learn to defend your beliefs, and to enlighten those who do not believe. Oh, and lets just leave (biased??)academic discussions to academia, shall we?
moyameehaa says...
(January 17, 2008 at 3:46 pm)
i just found your blog!(and i want to share a lil of my views here)
Dr.Freex compared homosexuality to incest, and you said “As a product of inbreeding, their offspring could end up being horribly disfigured and from that point onwards, it becomes a social problem.”
from and evolutionary point of view it is a disadvantage for our species.and so is homosexuality.and if we are talking about a dad and his son or a mother and her daughter, that wont create anything do be disfigured or disabled.child abuse and incest are not always same.there is no way child abuse can be natural.because before reaching the age of consent, if an adult involves himself sexually with a child that would be same as raping a physically disabled adult.so here i am assuming the incest dr.freex was talking about is not child abuse.
I just find homosexuality as unnatural as incest.which does not mean i will not tolerate a homosexual person.i always believe in coexistence of all sorts of people, because we are all very different.the ultimate purpose of sex, i believe is reproduction, leading to survival of our species.but just like eating it also gives us sensory satisfaction.and if we take examples from other animals, they involve themselves in incest, don’t they? The only reason you are against it is just that it does not “appeal to your sense of morality”.so things become harder dealing with issues like this.
and there reason for homophobia.sometimes people (especially men, most people like lesbians i believe)fear homosexuals because they believe the chances of a homosexual approaching another of the same sex without his/her consent is more than a heterosexual doing so.as i have already mentioned it is gays, not lesbians people usually are afraid of.one thing is a man knows how a desperate heterosexual man, who lives in a (hypothetical) totally gay society would react to a lady who is alone.he would know it is good,but he may approach her.at least his looks would not be ‘clean’.if the lady knows this, she wouldn’t certainly enjoy it.she would have a fear of this man doing something to her.she will feel his stare.i think this same thing will happen in case of a gays living in a majority or 99.99+ percent straight society.
but as science have proved sexual orientation is not chosen,it should be called nothing a but something of nature, or natural.so every person have a right to be what he/she is.but what if he/she was born as a person attracted to his own children?would it still be natural?if they do it with consent? it is not acceptable dho.
the bottom line is, i don’t give a damn about gay people unless they don’t bother me.and unless they do it with consent.which means i can tolerate them.but i don’t like them (guys only)personally.it is not fear, it is dislike.not in line with my moral values.
moyameehaa says...
(January 17, 2008 at 3:52 pm)
and to this soba guy, to hell with your religion.lakum dheenukum waliyadheen!
Khady Hamid says...
(March 4, 2008 at 11:30 am)
It definitely has been interesting to read your article, and some of the responses to your article, Fixan. I totally agree with your view point in the article, and I do not necessarily think that by advocating for a more tolerant society where homosexuals are not oppressed you are promoting Western values. If you really think about it, the West is not anymore “accepting” of homosexuals than the rest. It is true that they might be a bit more tolerant, but I can very well say that they are not ” accepting”.
A lot of the time people are tolerant of homosexuals. They would not have a problem with their friend being homosexual, and would not out rightedly speak against it. But let me ask you, how many privileged heterosexual individuals had been tolerant to some of their friends being homosexual and are at the same time, in their minds trying to understand why or how their friend ” became homosexual”. This implies that we see a lot of people, who are tolerant of it, but who still deep down thinks that it is not normal. Most people assume that if someone is homosexual, then there must have been some environmental factors, some childhood factors, or something in their life which made them the way they are. Such thoughts,again implies that they view homosexuality as something lesser than heterosexuality.
Being homosexual is not a choice. However, coming out, choosing that lifestyle is a choice. I think a lot of people do not get this and think that homosexuality is something that can be “cured” out of you.
As far as religion is concerned, if God is great, loving, the most merciful, I refuse to believe that that God punish you for a choice that you did not make, and most of all that God will not punish you for loving.
For all those people who oppose homosexuality on moral basis, I ask you, what is so bad about homosexuality? I think it is hard for us to accept homosexuality, only because we have been socialized in such a way from the beginning , where gender roles were defined for us and anything that moved away from such defined roles are seen as a “threat” and “deviant”.
Seriously, keeping religious scriptures aside, what is so ” natural” about marriage? What is so ” natural” about intercourse between heterosexuals? What is so ” natural” about girls playing with dolls and wearing make up, and boys being brave and not crying?
Again, aren’t we told all these by ” society”? …and at the end of the day, what is society? Isn’t it our own creation?
To really understand homosexuality means challenging all basis of society and being able to see how certain frameworks within our society are reinforced time over time to ensure the success of a certain group.
know it all says...
(March 13, 2008 at 7:48 pm)
I think everyone here is duluded in thier own ways……..
IT all comes down to religion…..to Believe or not to Believe…
If u havent digested my point yet…let me clarify it more…
If u think god is up there judging us…obviously there r “tests” of different kinds….if u look up all religious scriptures in history, homosexuality pertains to wrongdoing.. or something which has to be tolerated.. persay, not moral…….So u cannot have it bothways
I agree with Khady…we r conditioned by society…so if u wanna believe in religion u have to take what goes along with it….or create your own religion which could satisfy ur own morals…..which is what we r seeing in the west….which goes under the guise of liberation,freedom or democracy.. (i wud like some feedback on this)
After all we r just humans and half the time we think with our @!$@’s or @#$@”s…and there is a thin line between MORALS..which by the way is something we have created ourselves and have been conditioned to believe in…..
In a way i envy Athiests..they can indulge in all……….but what if they r wrong?…they all burn in HELL…to make my point!
fizan says...
(March 13, 2008 at 10:39 pm)
First order of business, Moyameeha, I am a bit stumped here as I honestly don’t know how to reply to your post. You seem to possess the real vanity of tolerance but at the same time, totally lack a (compulsory) sense of understanding or even respect towards homosexuality. You seem to have argued a lot about incestuous homosexuality, and at the end of your post, you propose if that can be tolerated as well. Only thing I can say here is that you’ve just assumed that it is natural, which I can contrastingly assume otherwise for reasons we have already discussed in the adjoining comments above. Btw, I hate to burst your bubble, but I don’t think I person with your viewpoint of homosexuality would appreciate a real lesbian either. What you are accustomed to is nothing but a fictitious byproduct of pornography and its called lipstick lesbianism. Look it up.
Khady, first, I feel obligated to applaud you for your exceedingly interesting and thought provocative post. Its great to know that there is another Hamid who shares her sibling’s intellect and understanding of the world. I apologize if I gave you the impression that I was whipping out the all too familiar proverbial “yardstick” for tolerance when I fleetingly mentioned the United States. My intentions were to simply to provide a contrast, which I believe was brought about by educated youth living in liberalized societies. Yeah, it does make the allusion that these liberalized societies too have their own fair share of bias when dealing with human sexuality, but you must agree that this is more prevalent in the US. Europeans are much more liberal in this sense.
Yes, it is truly lamentable that most of us who tolerates gays, do so condescendingly. In their minds, they assume that it is something both deviant and inferior to what they personally hold themselves to. We also need to understand that feeling too sympathetic towards someone can be viewed as something negative by the recipient of such feelings. Moyameeha, learn from this chick. Hehe. I won’t argue with your questions on the nature of marriage or erm… heterosexual intercourse, but for obvious reasons. :)
And yes, finally, Mr. Know-it-all. Lets see… you assumed that there is a god, and then tests, to which religion acts as the guidelines and then based on the teaching set forth by this religion, you condemn homosexuality, at the same time chalking up its existence to tolerance and completely disassociating morality from it. In response, do you have any idea how many people have been inspired to wrongdoing (more like travesty) after being indoctrinated to the very same religious texts? I can’t give you a figure, but trust me, its a LOT. This simply means that those texts, biased and ignorant they may appear to be, cannot be (effectively) used to draw the contrasts that you have so willfully made. Yeah, it sure can be our own shortcomings to make that distinction but at the end of the day, it sure as heck doesn’t make the situation any better.
No, liberalized people are NOT creating their own religion. Some of them choose not to divulge in such (atheists) and others simply modify existing doctrines to fit their personal sense of morality, which a lot of the times, religion is in conflict with. Morality isn’t something we create ourselves, it is something that we discover, sustain and nurture … it is a god-granted virtue, assuming such an entity exists.
Oh really? Don’t you think that you are taking the analogy from 6th grade Islamic studies a bit too seriously? Let me refresh it for you:
“A man without religion is akin to a ship without its steering wheel”
In which, he is disoriented and surely headed to certain damnation. Remember that little thing called morality we discussed about? Just because somebody refuses to believe in a fantastical god (whose sole purpose of creating life is to see how much they worship and obey him, while eagerly planning a day when he could inflict unimaginably cruel punishments on those who so much as dare to challenge the equally idiotic ideas set forth by him - sounds like a real bloodthirsty assh*** out of religious context huh?) does not deprive him of his intellect or morality. Besides, have you heard the phrase “you don’t have to be a Dane to eat danish pastries” before? Even atheists can CHOOSE to give up drinking, stealing and fornication, and to give alms to the poor. Oh, and to answer your final question… what if you are wrong? A pointless life pleasing someone who doesn’t even exist, while ignoring and opposing those who actually do.
Khady Hamid says...
(April 3, 2008 at 8:22 am)
This is in response to Moyameeha’s comment on lesbians being more acceptable versus gays. Well, I dont necessarily think that it has anything to do with gays approaching straight men versus lesbians not approaching other straight women.
Let’s make one thing very clear: Homosexauls are just like any other human being. The only “difference” is that they are sexually attracted to the people of the same sex. Does not necessarily mean that they are any more sexually driven, or promiscious or “horny” than heterosexuals.
So just like the way that Moyameeha,you as a straight man, would not approach any random girl or your childhood best friend( who happens to be a girl),for sex……any homosexual person would also not randomly approach a random person…
I dont know whether I made my point clear…
But it all comes down to patriarchy. We find gays less accepting because we think that a man being with a man ( meaning sometimes taking the role of being subjected to domination by another man)as less ” manly”. The man is always suppossed to be the dominator and not under domination. This is why we find gays less appealing. As for women, I guess we have been again ” socialised” to think that woman are to be dominated. So it is okay for women to be dominated by other women….
Fixan. I agree with your concepts of morale. It does not come from religion. Rather it is something that is inherent, to be cultivate( at times in regards to certain things) and nutured forever.
Again religion is not the problem. I identify myself as a muslim, and keeping aside dogma and indoctrination, I will call myself a ” good” ( if you may) muslim. But again, I do happen to hold rather open and liberal views in regards to subjects such as homosexuality. Yet I do not find myself struggling with an internal conflict…..( that is not to say that I never have)…
Not to preach, but I think that it takes a certain level of understanding of God and religion to see how these things actually do fit into religion.
I do not know whether you have seen the movie, ” For So the Bible Tells me” . A good movie, gives an insight into how religion and homosexuality interacts( extracting from religious scriptures) and also shows how we homosexuality not being normal have so much to do with our ” socialization” process, and patriarchy and also the oppressing unit of ” family”.
Khady Hamid says...
(April 3, 2008 at 8:27 am)
Fixan.Thanks.
Yes. Talking about Hamid’s, I think it is always good to draw from positive influences. This is to acknowledge that my understanding of the world, and the sense of “justice” in me, has much to do with the ways in which I have been influenced by members of my family and friends. This does not necessarily mean that they all hold the same views as me.
Also, will like to meet you someday..:D